I’m a Horrible Arguer

Because of my anxiety and PTSD I’m a bit more on edge than other people might be…. It doesn’t take much for me to get agitated or offended. I feel sorry for my husband… sorry Josh!

Caleb & Kelsey having an argument over the dog. Kelsey said Penny was listening to her while Caleb was in the bathroom and as soon as he came in the room, Penny didn’t want to listen anymore…. Lol!

But more than that I’m learning that our household dynamic as children really plays a part into how we operate as adults… even when it comes to arguments. I was raised in a household where disagreements happened quite often and there’s nothing wrong with disagreements. However what I didn’t see much of was resolution to the disagreements…. and because off that it sometimes makes communication hard for me and I’m sure the same for Josh when we have disagreements.

You see because I didn’t see all of how to resolve issues, I resort to just apologies… and while apologies are somewhat necessary when you have disagreements it’s not the ONLY part of the resolution. Another part should be having discussion to understand the other person’s perspective of the situation… Now here’s where I completely suck!! Lol. For whatever reason I never learned the tools to effectively get my point of view across without taking jabs at the other person or breaking out into tears because I literally sometimes just don’t have the words to explain my point of view. So because I don’t feel that I always have the words to articulate myself, I hit below the belt… I know I do. And unfortunately I haven’t figured out a way (yet) to not do that… Help me Jesus!

It’s true when people say old habits die hard… I really don’t enjoy the verbal spar that sometimes goes along with disagreements. But at the same time I recognize that they are healthy when both parties can speak calmly and state their opinions without going off the deep end… it’s just for me I feel like I never leave the deep end. I like live there and I’m always ready to defend myself which I now see can come across as though I’m ready to not necessarily defend myself but attack the other person….

It’s interesting how things pop back into your head when you least expect them. In the church I grew up in we used to say a covenant every first Sunday before communion. There was a line that said, “Be slow to take offense but always ready for reconciliation…” Clearly I’m reminded of that today for a reason….

So what’s today’s lesson? Where there are a few takeaways:

  1. Arguments happen. They are a normal part of everyday life.

  2. Positive communication is key to reconciliation in disagreements.

  3. And last but not least, we’re all a work in progress…. and clearly I’ve got some work to do!!!

Until next time… Peace, Love & Light!

#Communication #Marriage #Relationships