The Dirty Secret

If you recall last week I posted Part 2 of Daddies Matter. Well since I brought my biological father up in that blog, I figured I’d go ahead and give you the scoop on this dude… And if you know me, you’re very much aware of the fact that I don’t sugarcoat anything… I’m candid. So, let’s get to it! 

My father and mother are step siblings… Yep, you read that right. They’re related by marriage. Their parents married each other when they were teenagers… And to make matters worse, my mother lost her virginity to this man and 9 months later, I was born… Yes a whole mess… I know…. Lol

The story I’ve been told is that it happened once… My mom got pregnant and when her stepmother, my grandmother, found out she was pregnant she was upset…. And then when she found out that my mother was pregnant by her son, she lost it! She proceeded to get into an altercation with her teenage, pregnant, stepdaughter and then threw her out…. 

My mother was sent to live with her grandparents and called a liar, because in her stepmother’s eyes there’s NO WAY her son would have had sex with her AND created a life, my life…. 

I was born during my mother’s senior year of high school and there when she walked across the stage at graduation…. Unfortunately, all of this was too much for my mother to handle so, she turned to a lifestyle that I believe helped to soothe her pain and rejection… My father was sent off to the military and forbidden to have any dealings with me at all. 

For 10 years, I walked through my childhood not even knowing who my father was. Everyone in the family kinda tiptoed around me, like I was a fragile item. There was absolutely no mention of who my father was or why he wasn’t around. Meanwhile, my actual father was painted to be my “uncle”… But, I never felt right around him…. Something just always felt off. 

It wasn’t until my great grandparents moved to North Carolina and I went to visit that I found out the truth. On our train ride back from NC, my great grandmother finally told me that the man I thought was my uncle, was actually my father. You’re talking about wrecked!!! I was in complete disbelief. I just couldn’t understand what I did that was so horrible that he didn’t want to have any kind of relationship with me. That he allowed me to go and live with another family rather than taking care of me himself….. 

I spent years trying to understand why I wasn’t worthy enough that my own father didn’t want to be in relationship with me. I still don’t completely understand it, but the older I become, the more I realize that he was a kid too. Probably 18 or 19 when my mom got pregnant. And his mother scared the CRAP outta him by telling him he couldn’t have a relationship with me and if he did, she’d never speak to him again… And while I can even understand my grandmother’s feelings of embarrassment or shame, I was an innocent child. Tossed into a situation that I never asked to be a part of. 

You see, no family is perfect. We all have our “dirty secrets”. And in my case I was the product of a dirty secret and then made to live like I was the black sheep. Like I had done something wrong, when all I actually did was be born…. Created by two kids, who probably didn’t understand the consequences of unprotected sex. But, yet here I am. 

So, what’s today’s lesson. Well, it’s two-fold.

  1. Stop pretending like there aren’t any skeletons in your closet, we all have things that have happened in our families that we’re not proud of.

  2. Children are innocent… And shouldn’t be used to punish the parents or punished for the transgressions of their parents. Regardless of how they got here, they deserve YOUR love, support and guidance.

And on that note, I think this one is done….

Until next time. Peace, Love & Light!

#children #motherhood #Grandparents #family #Childhood #Fatherhood